Who are you really?

We've all been on a wild ride since our friend/foe Covid arrived. As we all know it has changed life in indeterminable ways, even amidst normalcy attempting an appearance.

I too have been been redefining my life on a number of fronts. Legal, financial, marital, spiritual, emotional, and physical.

Of all of these, despite my intelligence, resources, emotional strength, and concrete faith, what has taken me down the hardest is the condition known as long Covid, or Long haulers. Could it be Functional Neurological Disorder ( FND) ? Well the symptoms lists are identical, except I need to research if FND also affects the immune system's ability to fight infection.

What I have found to be interesting is that this disorder of my Central Nervous System, however it is defined, has resulted in a life in which confidence in my ability to run my life and manage myself is compromised. Cognitive changes have slowed my processing speed way down, and my ability to tolerate intense stimulation, especially if threat is involved is non existent. I allowed fear to move in, and my life had come to a stand still. Wondering what was going to happen to me, the symptom set was wreaking havoc on my life, and I began to identify with the diagnosis of Long Covid.

Until I called my very wise friends and got a chorus of "DO NOT TAKE THIS ON AS AN IDENTITY!"

Am I ever grateful for their reminder of who I am. I am a positive person, who can always see a way out. Or if not I can have fun while we wait. Regardless, I have always healed well, and bounced back. Having had 12 surgeries in as many years, I've had some hurdles, but nothing kept me down. I've always seen the goal line, and finished strong in recovering.

Until Long Covid. What the heck is long covid anyway? I can tell you what it is not. It is not normal. I do not live in a body I know, trust, and understand. The information my body communicates is either inaccurate, overstated, or absent. The symptoms have not made sense, seemed completely unrelated, and crossed organs systems. This results in the affected individual with a myriad of bizarre, random symptoms and the medical professionals with more questions than answers. .

But the tumble began after months of multiple infections or runs to the Emergency Room. I just couldn't get back up into life again, before something else knocked me down. The emotional, and then spiritual spiral began and this is when I knew I had lost my identity. . "Well maybe this is the end of having lived a productive life. This is the end of planning of something, and having confidence I will be able to meet the demands of the situation. This is the end of watching my grands two days a week, and helping to shape their lives." And then the word that I would have never associated with myself, cropped up in my medical record. Disabled.

Disable?

Something snapped. Well, It snapped slower than it would have in the past, taking about a month, but something has snapped. A big fat NO! Absolutely not. I will not accept this. I am only 62 years old. I am just beginning my days with the next generation. My husband and I have plans, and they have been railroaded for one reason or another, and I am saying NO.

There burned in me a ferocity of fight that came from somewhere else, because I personally did not have the energy for the fight. But I knew the origins of this spirit were God given, and I was going to listen. I would not identify with the label of Long Covid, Long haulers, or disabled. God Bless all my comrades in this sea of confusion, but I'm busting out.

I must think differently. There is another way. I am identifying as the miraculous child of the Almighty God, who wants to see me well and helping others. So I built a fire in my fireplace, got comfortable and quiet, thanked God for reminding me of who I am and Whose I am, and I googled "Long Covid Treament near me".

Hyperbaric Oxygen Treatment was the first thing that popped up. Not only did this pop up, the center was also only 13 minutes away. Given they see patients from all over the United States, I am quite fortunate.

I've decided to go ahead, take the plunge, no pun intended, and blog my journey here. I hope it may help someone else. I am grateful to God for the resources to be able to try this, as I know many cannot. But I pray this message is one of hope, and can be used to bless whomever reads.