Transformation’s Primordial Ooze: The Cocoon unpacked.

It seems as though nothing is happening. I feel like I am a living cocoon. Nothing but a glop of primordial ooze, liquified expectations wrapped in a protective sleeve, hanging from a limb. Yup, that sounds like me pretty much.

A friend recently called me and said “ No Soul Experience/“ I have been to your blog and there has been nothing new.

I feel the same way.After a number of health struggles and losing the security of my job, I surrendered. I am intentionally allowing myself to be transformed through my relationship with Jesus. on a daily basis. Right now, every day seems to be just like the next. And I can tend to doubt When it appears nothing is happening. But it is not because nothing new is forming. Quite the contrary. There so much new within me spiritually, physically and emotionally, yet it is unformed. The excitement of the possibilities is similar to going to Disney world for the first time. Everything is exciting and you sure do not miss out on anything. Like a liquified cocoon, the unmanifested life within me bubbles to the surface on the breath of an inspired thought. I fear where to fit the form of this new life into my neatly packed life.

It feels like I am living in Nothingness; a Nothingness pregnant with unlimited possibilities. I feel the impatience of my aging body beckoning the butterfly to hurry up! Hurry up and get yourself together, because we have work to do! I panic I may miss the moment. I feel the Holy Spirit‘s presence reassuring me this time of incubation though seemingly vague and uneventful is a season full of intention. ‘. Use this time to set your intention for your life, and your life will follow.

I pray to God daily to open my eyes, my heart and my soul, and do not let me miss Him, or His purpose for my life. Over and over again, I am brought back into the fold of the word, gentleness. I mocked Jesus. Me gentle? Right. But over and over again, I am lead back to this word. I just read there strength in gentleness. I can see that.

Ironically right now I have to be gentle with my body. For some unknown reason I keep fracturing bones. 5 fractures in 5 months. The last time I was just walking and fractured a bone in my foot. It gives me great pause to realize I can break bones just from walking. Perhaps gentleness is in order here.

My lower legs have been in braces, casts and wraps, for months. I am living in a question mark right now. We do not know the underlying pathology of this process. What will my life look like in a few months. When will my health return? When can I bust out of here and fly? Will I always have to be careful and gentle?

There is mystery in the cocoon. What is going on in there? What is happening? What will the butterfly look like? This mystery too is wrapped up and the world just has to wait. You cannot rush a river as it is said, and you cannot rush life either.

My job is to pay attention, and not miss the moment my wings take form, and find my way out of the protective layer with gentleness and strength.