The Beauty of Brokenness

There is one way I can handle the stress of trying to be perfect.

When I humbly own I am a flawed human being, my life begins to change exponentially. I no longer try to be perfect because this is futile. I know this in my heart. And my eyes open to the futility of believing I can live apart from my brokenness. I cannot. It is in my broken flawed state I surrender to a loving force greater than myself. I learn whose I am and who I am. God already knows I am not perfect and certainly does not want me approaching Him pretending I’m perfect. He sees me as I am.

I stood in my living room, late last year and I bared my soul in all it’s brokenness. At times there is an internal sense of swirling around the drain while I’m trying desperately to hold on. I cannot fail. I cannot have this go this way. It must work out this way. And then after all my expended efforts, energy, and emotion what I feared comes to pass.

In reflection, I look back over the last year, and I sigh. If I had not been under so much stress in my work, I would have never got on my knees and cried out for help. I would have never had all of these unbelievable experiences on a daily basis, of which I am calling miracles. I have more peace, joy, contentment, and light in my life now because it did not go my way. I recognize how much the Lord has changed and continues to transform me, and I am so grateful. I know deep in my heart I am never going to be my best self and of service to others the way I want to be, apart from God.

This is the beauty of brokenness. There is a sweet sweet surrender of my foolish attempts to live apart from God. There is wisdom in deeply accepting I am the reason and the only reason for any suffering related to this situation. Or any situation. And if I am the only one responsible for the suffering, I am then not only free but empowered to accept another way. The beauty of brokenness is the recognition I am the one who can run from it, or acknowledge it, surrender it and rest in the peace of knowing I do not have to have all the answers myself. Regardless of the failure, my own decision to run the show using only my own understanding does not end well.

The beauty of the brokenness is the gifts one’s heart receives in this state of surrender. When I honestly open my heart to the Lord, and honestly present myself in all my shatteredness there is an experience of peace. The peace leaves me basking in love and acceptance. Even though I am flawed, I feel not only loved but welcomed back into the protective fold of an pulsating energy which is within, through and beyond me. I can feel this physically. In time, living in a state of surrender leaves only love, energy, and joy.

How many have heard, when the student is ready, the teacher appears? When I am ready to surrender control, there makes the room in my heart for a living breathing relationship with the Holy Spirit in each moment.

This is not a surrender of giving up. Quite the contrary, it is the active decision to surrender the parts of myself that get in the way of what I want most! Peace, Joy, and Serenity. This is a measure of success not defeat! When I get myself out of the way and instead make way for God, life can only get better and better.

Just like the light can be seen in the dark, here too, the beauty of life can be seen in the brokenness. It’s possible to experience the miracle of surrender, and therein lies the beauty of brokenness.